Random Rizzles Phonecalls
by MM-UP
Summary: Collection of oneshots featuring Jane Rizzoli, Maura Isles, and one or several telephone(s). I'll keep adding to this whenever I get an idea for another oneshot. Better summaries at the beginning of each chapter.
1. Two Digits

**Random Rizzles Phonecalls**

**A/N: **I'll keep adding to this whenever a Rizzles oneshot that somehow has to do with a phonecall comes to my mind (hence the title, duh ;-). POV's and ratings may vary and will be indicated at the beginning of each oneshot. Happy reading! :)

PS: Everything written in between ** is texting.

EDIT 01/27/2014: If you have any ideas for phonecall-related oneshots, leave a review or PM me :).

* * *

**Two Digits**

**Rating: **T for language.

**Disclaimer: **Not mine.

**Summary: **Jane's got a new cellphone, and her new phone number is very similar to Maura's. Which is why people who actually want to speak to Maura keep accidentally calling Jane... Written from Jane's POV.

* * *

The first time it happened, I was sitting at my desk doing paperwork.

_Vrrrrt vrrrt!_

"Rizzoli?"

"Oh, seems like I dialed the wrong number. Sorry for disturbing you and goodbye."

"Yeah, bye." But the person on the other end of the line had already ended the call.

* * *

The second time occured only a few hours later. I was still stuck at my paperwork-covered desk, and so were Frost and Korsak, when there was that _Vrrrt vrrrt _noise again. Putting my pen down, I took the call. "Rizzoli."

"Oh... sorry... I must have dialed the wrong nummer."

_Really? Again?_

"Again?"

_Crap, I didn't mean to say that out loud... _"Yep, you're already the second person today who accidentally called me by dialling the wrong number."

"Really? That's odd... Oh, I think I've found the problem."

"Yeah?"

"The person I wanted to call and you - your phone numbers differ in only two digits." The woman gave a little laugh. "Anyway, sorry for disturbing you and have a nice day."

"Yeah, you too. Bye." I hung up and went back to work.

* * *

The next day, my phone remained quiet... until noon, that is. Rolling my eyes and muttering something like, "I swear, if this is someone diallin' the wrong number again...", I took the call. "Rizzoli."

"Heyyyyy Janie", said a cheerful voice that made me frown: "Giovanni, I don't remember givin' my phone number to you."

"Nah, you didn't, but your hawt doctor friend gave me hers."

"Maura did **what**?!"

"Gave me her number, ya can ask her."

"Oh don't worry, I will." Suddenly remembering something from the day before, I asked my old classmate to repeat Maura's phone number to me, which he did. Except that it wasn't Maura's number.

Mentally preparing myself for what was to come, I took a deep breath. "Listen, G, I've got a new phone, and my new phone number's almost the same as Maura's."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. Just the last two digits are different. Maura's got 96, I've got... That's not funny, damnit!" I punched the, 'end call', button on my phone, threw the device onto my desk, and let out a puff of air that earned me a worried look from Korsak. "You okay over there?"

"One word: Giovanni...", I sighed.

"Your highschool classmate Giovanni?"

"Exactly. 'You're battin' for the other team and there's a sixty-nine at the end of your phone number!'- That's just the kind of joke he laughs about."

"Uh, Jane?", Frost piped up. "You're not really...?"

"Course not, but Giovanni thinks I'm gay. It's a long story." I glanced at my watch, grabbed my phone, and texted Maura: *Lunch together?*

She was quick to reply. *Sure. Let's meet at the café in 20 minutes."

* * *

We did just that, and as soon as we'd found a free table, I couldn't hold back anymore: "Maura, why the hell did you give your phone number to Giovanni?"

"I didn't", she stated.

"Oh yeah? Then where did he get your number from?"

"Well, you know I invited him over to my house-"

"... and kicked him out when he tried to lick your face-"

"... yes, but the point is that I went to the bathroom once and left my phone recharging on the kitchen table."

"So Giovanni stalked your phone? Asshole."

"Jane!"

"What? Stalkin' people's phones isn't nice!", I protested a little weakly and rubbed my forearm where Maura had punched it.

"Well, neither is cursing", she retorted with a smile - that smile she used to talk me into wearing dresses, eating veggies, or running a marathon with her. _In a spandex outfit that said P.U.K.E. - definitely one of the most embarassin' moments in my life. _I smiled a little at the memory before coming back to topic: "Fine, cursing is bad, but stalkin' your phone is worse, which is why we should take revenge on Giovanni. Any ideas?"

* * *

Well, I had no idea my best friend had such a mean streak in her... Let's just say Giovanni spent the next week running around in search of the person who had changed all his ringtones to random Disney songs.

THE END

* * *

**A/N: **Thoughts?


	2. Shipping Up To Houston

Random Rizzles Phonecalls

**Shipping Up To Houston**

**Rating: **K for fluff and adorable bickering :-).

**Disclaimer: **Rizzoli & Isles belong to Tess Gerritsen, Janet Tamaro and several other people, not including me.

**Summary: **Maura's attending a Medical Examiner conference in Houston, Texas. One evening, she gets a phonecall from her LLBFF. Written from Maura's POV.

* * *

I was just about to get comfortable on my hotel bed when my phone rang - and I didn't recognize the ringtone. Frowning, I retrieved the little device from the nightstand and checked the caller ID. _LLBFF. When and why did Jane put a new ringtone on my phone? Oh well, I'll just ask her. _Rolling over onto my back, I took the call. "Hi Jane."

"Hey. Did that ringtone ring a bell for you?"

"Not really, no", I had to admit. _I'm quite sure I've heard that tune before, but I don't remember where..._

"No? Well in that case, you'll have to hear it again." And with that, Jane hung up, leaving me staring at my phone. _What the...?_

* * *

The device in my hand played that mysterious ringtone again, and this time, I immediately pressed the, 'take call', button. "Well?", Jane asked without preamble.

"Well what?"

I could almost picture her signature eyeroll. "The ringtone, Maur. Did you recognize it?"

"Well, if I had to guess - which I don't do - I'd say it was a short version of, 'Shipping Up To Boston'."

"Great job, Dr Google! And d'you know why I put it on your phone?" She didn't even wait for my reply. "Three clues: Shipping Up To Boston... Red Sox... and who's the biggest Red Sox fan you know?"

I smiled. "You, of course. Nice idea, but I'd appreciate it if you didn't mess with my ringtones again."

"Aww, that's too bad... Anyway, have you traded your designer heels for a pair of cowboy boots already?"

"Jane, that's a cliché. I've been here for almost a week and only seen five people wearing cowboy boots", I pointed out.

"Yeah? Then, what about a cowboy hat? You bought one of those?"

"Believe it or not, I did... Jane?"

"Huh?... Sorry, dropped my phone. Out of surprise, I guess - I never pegged you as the cowgirl type..."

"This isn't about my type, it's about sun protection, and since I don't like wearing baseball caps, I had to make do with the only other sort of headwear they sold."

* * *

A few moments of silence passed before I heard Jane laugh. "You know what? Buy those cowboy boots, a pair of jeans cut-offs, and a checked shirt, don't forget your hat at the hotel, and you're totally gonna rock BPD's next Halloween party."

"Only if you dress up in a similar fashion", I provoked her, knowing that Jane Rizzoli could never resist a challenge... after complaining about it for a while. _Cue whiny answer in 3... 2... 1..._

"Ugh, do I have to? I hate it when people stare at my ass."

"A. Yes, you have to. B. People look at your butt all the time, whether you're wearing cut-offs or not, and honestly, I can't really blame them", I pointed out, which earned me a snorting noise from the other end of the line. Ignoring it, I went on: "It's pure biology, I - uh, they just can't help it..."

"What d'you mean, you can't help but stare at my ass?"

_Damn, I knew she was too good of a Detective to let this pass. _"Uhm, I wanted to say that sometimes, I can't help but wonder where you put all that junk food you eat", I quickly made up. _That's at least part of the truth, so I won't get any hives._

"Uh-uh..." I could tell Jane was still thinking about my last statement, but she didn't say anything for several moments, and neither did I. Until:

"Maur?"

"Yes?"

Her reply was so quiet I almost didn't catch it. "I miss you.".

"I miss you, too", I replied just as quietly, with a slightly sad smile. _Maybe more than I should miss someone who's 'just' my best friend..._

* * *

And then, right before things could get too... what would Jane call this, sappy?..., my best friend fell back into her usual sarcastic self. "Yeah, but I miss you more. I don't know how much longer I can put up with that Russian guy who's doing the autopsies while you're away at that stupid conference."

"Dr Popov?"

"Uh-huh... When are you comin' home? That guy gives me the creeps!"

"I'll be home in two days."

"That's two days too many", she declared, and while I felt touched by the fact that she missed me so much, she didn't need to act like my replacement had tried to stab her with a scalpel or something.

"Jane, don't exaggerate. Dr Popov can't be worse than Dr Pike, right?"

"Yeah, but he may be a little... mad at me..."

"Oh no, what did you do?"

"Uhm, I might've called him Dr Smirnoff... accidentally..."

I burst out laughing; I just couldn't help it. "Jane!"

"I'm glad you think that's funny", came her dry reply, no doubt accompanied by an eyeroll. "But I'm the one who has to go to the morgue and hear him start mutterin' Russian swearwords as soon as I walk through the door!"

"You never told me you spoke Russian."

She frowned - I didn't have to see her to know that she did. "I don't."

"Then how do you know they're swearwords?"

"Uhm... 'cause I called him a nickname he obviously didn't like?"

"You're being sarcastic."

"Yep", she deadpanned. "You've become pretty good at recognizing that."

"Well, I'm learning from the best..." I couldn't stifle a yawn. "Sorry, it's been a long day."

"M-hm... Don't forget to buy that cowgirl outfit tomorrow."

"Sure. I'll buy one for you as well."

"Oh, that's not necessary", she replied quickly. "Besides, you don't even know my size."

"Yes, I do." I paused for a moment. "Is it normal for friends to know each other's exact shoe and clothes size?"

"We're not just friends, Maur, we're LLBFF's. Life-Long Best Friends Forever."

Her reply made me smile. "You're right."

"I'm always right."

I just shook my head, too tired to discuss that statement. "Good night and see you in two days."

* * *

"Yeah, see you. And for now, sweet dreams." With that, Jane ended the call and I rolled over onto my side, placing my phone back on the nightstand, but not before changing the alarm signal to the ringtone Jane had put on my phone. My last thought before falling asleep was, _I wonder if there's a song called, "Shipping Up To Houston"? It's a harbor town, just like Boston, so..._

THE END

* * *

**A/N  
**- For those who don't know yet: Dr Popov was briefly introduced during ep. 4x04 ("Killer in High Heels"). The nickname Dr Smirnoff is from Dorothy Snarker's recap of that episode, which can be found on AfterEllen.  
- The ringtone Jane put on Maura's phone is the Rizzoli & Isles opening theme :-).


	3. Cell Phone Risotto

Random Rizzles Phonecalls

**Cell Phone Risotto**

**Rating: **K

**Disclaimer: **Still not mine.

**Summary: **Jane's phone breaks down and Maura tries to "reanimate" it. Written from Maura's POV.

* * *

_Ta ta ta ta taaaa-tata..._

"Dr Isles?"

"Hey Maur, it's me."

"Jane? Why are you calling me from Korsak's phone?"

"'Cause mine got wet and doesn't work anymore."

"Oh." A thought crossed my mind: "Can you stop by at a supermarket on your way to the precinct and buy some rice?"

"Rice?"

"Yes, rice. You know, longish white grains that-"

Despite not being able to see her, I still knew that she was rolling her eyes. "Maur, I know what rice is, and I'll buy some even though I've no idea what you need it for. See ya in a few."

* * *

Fifteen minutes later, my best friend swaggered into my office - without knocking, as usual - and held up a plastic bag of rice. "So what are we gonna do with this, make some cell phone risotto?"

"I wouldn't recommend that, cell phones contain quite a few materials that shouldn't be ingested... Wait, was that a joke?"

She grinned. "Yep. So, what are we gonna do with the rice?"

I got up from my chair and motioned for Jane to follow me to the crime lab. Once there, I grabbed a large beaker from the nearest shelf, set it down on the table, and filled it with rice before holding out my hand: "Your phone, please."

Jane reluctantly handed me the device and watched as I placed it into the beaker so that it was almost covered in rice grains. "Now what?"

"Now we have to let osmosis do its work. You see, there's quite a lot of water inside your phone - what happened to it, by the way?"

Jane let out a puff of air and flopped down onto the edge of the table. "I tackled a perp, he reached for my gun, but ended up with my phone in his hand and dropped it to the ground, where it landed in a puddle of water. Can you make it work again? It's only been a week since I spent four freakin' hours in a cell phone shop helpin' Frankie pick a new phone, and I'm absolutely not in the mood for doing that again."

"I'll try, but I can't promise anything. We'll have to wait some time to see if this works." The announcement made Jane groan; patience wasn't exactly her strong point. "Can't we just use a hairdryer?"

"No, because we'd only be able to dry the outside of your phone that way, and most of the water is inside it. The rice grains, on the other hand, contain very little water, which means that water molecules will wander into the rice grains through their cell membranes until diffusive equilibrium is achieved."

* * *

Jane blinked a few times, and I half expected an eyeroll and a, "Maura, English please!", but then her face lit up in understanding: "You mean at the end of this, my phone will be dry 'cause the rice grains have sucked up all the water?"

"That's no scientifically accurate description, but yes, it's basically what will happen in this beaker during the next few hours, at the end of which I hope you'll be able to use your phone again."

Before Jane could say anything, my phone vibrated, indicating an incoming text message: *Hey doc, can u send Jane up here? We've got a suspect to interrogate. Thx Frost*.

"Let me guess, Frost and Korsak want me to come upstairs?" The question caused me to look up at my best friend in confusion: "How did you know that?"

Jane hopped off the table and turned to leave, but not before throwing me a wink over her shoulder. "I'm a detective, remember?"

_Of course. _Her reply made me smile... until I remembered the document I'd been working on when Jane had walked in. _The latest autopsy report, vomit - 'Vomit'? Alright, I've spent too much time with Jane._ Shaking my head at my thoughts, I left the crime lab for my office.

* * *

One of the first things I did the next morning was to check on the glass beaker with Jane's phone in it. Carefully pulling the phone out from between the rice grains, I pressed the 'On' button... but the screen didn't light up. Sighing, I took my own phone and texted Korsak: *Please send Jane to the crime lab if she's not busy right now. Thanks.*

Jane arrived less than two minutes later, looking impatient. "Did it work?" Without waiting for my reply, she grabbed her phone, tried to switch it on, frowned when the screen remained dark, and put the device back on the table with a shrug. "Guess I'll have to go to that cell phone shop again, then."

"I can come with you, if you like", I offered.

"Yes, please. I can definitely do without that slimy shop assistant hitting on me this time." I must have looked confused, because she added: "Remember how we got rid of Giovanni?"

The memory made me smile. "Of course I do. So, you want us to pretend to be lovers when that shop assistant tries to flirt with you?"

"Exactly. Let's just hope he won't ask for a threesome, like Giovanni still does everytime he sees us." Jane made a face, and I fully understood her. _If I actually got Jane into my bed... Wait, where did that thought come from? Anyway, I'm not opposed to threesomes, but I wouldn't want to share her with anyone else, at least not until some later point in our relationship..._

* * *

"Maur?"

"Huh?... Sorry, I zoned away a bit."

"I noticed, but it's zoned _out_, not _away._"

"Whatever." I mentally filed the correct expression away before speaking again: "Which type does that shop assistant belong to?"

"What do you mean, which type?"

"You told me once that the're basically two types of men, those who don't like female cops and those who want you to put your handcuffs to use."

"Neither, he's more of a 'too many baseball analogies' type... Uhm, I think the guys are already wondering where I am. See you." And with that, she almost ran out of the crime lab, leaving me standing there feeling slightly confused. _What was that? I definitely have to research baseball analogies when I have time, I want to know why she ran away like that._

* * *

**A/N**

- I haven't tried it myself, but drying your phone by leaving it in a container of dry rice grains for a couple hours is actually supposed to work. Is anyone with an old phone (which you don't need anymore 'cause you've just got a new one) willing to try? :-)

- As for the baseball analogies, most of them have to do with sex, so explaining them to Maura would require talking about sex, which Jane doesn't like. Savvy? :-)


	4. The M Word

Random Rizzles Phonecalls

**The M Word**

**Rating: **K+  
**Disclaimer: **Not mine.  
**A/N: **This is an AU in which Maura and Jane are 14-year-old high school classmates/ friends. It's set in the present, not in the time when they actually were teenagers, so they have cellphones and computers and stuff. Oh yeah, 3rd person POV.

**Warning: **Biological girl problems ahead :).

* * *

Maura Isles was just about to finish her Chemistry homework when her phone rang. Quickly writing down the last two words of her essay ("trichloroacetic acid"), she reached for the little device and took the call. "Hello?"

"Hey Maur." The caller didn't have to state their name; there was only one person who called Maura by that nickname. "I, uhm, I've got a little problem here", Jane Rizzoli went on. "And since I don't have an older sister I could ask, and I sure as hell won't talk to my mother about this, I figured I'd call you. Uh, I can call you back later if you're busy doin' your homework or anything..."

"Don't worry, I'm done with my homework. What's the matter, do you want me to come over?"

"Nope, I'm great. Well, not that great, my stomach kinda hurts and there's that 'little problem', but-"

Maura let out a sigh. "Jane, please just tell me what's wrong with you."

"Okay. Uhm, it's, ya know, that time of the month and I'm tryin' to put this damn thing in there, but it just won't fit", Jane tried to explain, which only served to make Maura more confused than she already was: "What time of the month, exactly? And what are you trying to put where?"

"Jeez, Maura, d'you want me to write it down?"

"That wouldn't make sense, since we're talking over the phone at the moment", Maura stated the obvious, and a few miles away, Jane rolled her eyes. "That was a rhetorical question, genius."

"Oh."

"Yeah."

* * *

"So, what exactly is your problem?", Maura came back to topic, making a mental note to brush up on her rhetorical question-recognizing skills. "You said something about a stomach ache and it being a certain time of the month... Wait, are you menstruating?"

Jane cringed at the word, but nodded, momentarily forgetting that Maura couldn't see her through the phone. "Yeah."

"Oh, good. I was starting to get worried that you might be seriously ill. You know, a stomach ache can be a symptom of many things, from a harmless congestion to poisoning to-"

Jane rolled her eyes. "Enough, Dr Google! Yes, I'm-" she lowered her voice- "menstruating, and I'm havin' some cramps, but that's not why I called you."

Maura remained silent, waiting for her classmate to continue.

"Well, uhm, I don't know if I'm doing somethin' wrong, but sanitary napkins always stick everywhere 'cept to my panties. So I thought I'd try using a tampon instead, but it just won't fit in!"

Maura thought about it for a moment. "What size is that tampon you're trying to insert?"

"Really, Maur?" Jane's voice was getting closer and closer to a whine. "It's one of those tiny things that are hardly the size of my pinkie, but it's still too big! And I think Ma's gettin' suspicious as to why I've been in the bathroom for, like, half an hour!"

"Turn on the shower", Maura suggested. "And try to relax. Take deep breaths. Inhale... exhale... in-"

"What's this, yoga for dummies?"

Maura frowned. "I'm just trying to help you."

"Sorry", Jane grumbled, followed by a muttered curse. "How do other girls do this?"

"Well, there are several different techniques, you'll just have to find out which one works best for you. I usually do it standing up with my foot propped up on the edge of the bathtub or-"

"Woo-hoo! I did it!" Jane did a little victory dance before sitting down on the toilet lid. "Uhm, yeah. Thanks Maur."

"You're welcome."

"No, really. I don't know what I'd have done without you."

The declaration made Maura smile. "See you at school tomorrow."

"Yeah, see ya." Jane hung up, turned off the shower, and went to her room to do her Chemistry homework. _Normally_ _I'd just ask to copy them from Maur, but I can't do that if we have to write a full text. My Chem teacher isn't exactly the sharpest tool in the shed, but even he'll notice if two students hand in the exact same essay._

* * *

**A/N: **This was my first AU fic, so please be nice :).


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